


The Headmaster's Office

by Spiral_Downwards



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Gen, Hogwarts Era, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-22
Updated: 2013-04-23
Packaged: 2017-12-09 05:44:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/770667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spiral_Downwards/pseuds/Spiral_Downwards
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry gets summoned to the headmaster's office to discuss another plot on taking Voldemort's life, much to his displeasure. And Snape, well he's just suffering through the experience as well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story comes with little commitment, which means random updates and a murky story direction. Feel free to offer any suggestions or input you'd like.

 

"Harry, my boy, I'm sure I've got it this time," Dumbledore beamed at his two favorite students sitting across from him, while reclining in his chair and rubbing his hands together. To be fair only one was still his student, Severus Snape had actually graduated many years ago.

Harry winced and looked at his headmaster with trepidation. Not _another_ scheme, it would make the third one this month. He looked at Snape hoping he was dreading the words leaving the professor's mouth as much as him. He was awarded with the sight of Snape looking at the ceiling, apparently asking a higher power for assistance.

"Professor, perhaps we should hold off on our attempts to get rid of Voldemort. At least for a little while," Harry suggested with little hope of Dumbledore agreeing. Snape seemingly gave up on a higher power and was now looking decidedly like he was wishing himself anywhere but in the headmaster's office.

"Nonsense my boy, we have an opportunity and we _must_ take it. We cannot allow this evil to continue," the headmaster slammed his fists onto his desk at the last word and rose from his seat to pace. "We must do it for ourselves. We must do it for the future, for our children. We must do it for the puppies," Dumbledore smiled grandly stopping his pacing to cast a pose.

Harry shared a puzzled look with Snape and mouthed to him, 'the puppies'? Snape shrugged his shoulders after a minute and went back to pretending he was anywhere but his current location.

"Sir, I understand why you feel we must respond with urgency," Harry began trying for diplomacy, "but don't you think in the long run things would work out better if we waited a bit and discussed a well thought out plan between the three of us?"

"Harry, time is of the essence we must act now," Dumbledore shouted. The man went to his desk and grabbed a long narrow packaged from his desk and handed it to Harry. "So, here is the horn of a unicorn. I fashioned it into a dagger and if you can just manage to jab it through Voldemort's heart I'm sure the pureness of the unicorn will eradicate the evilness of the dark lord."

Harry looked up at his professor with a raised eyebrow, very much not amused.

"So, I'm going to be doing this?"

"Yes."

"By myself?"

"Naturally, my boy"

"With an untested magical weapon that _you_ made."

"Exactly"

"With no back up."

"We will be with you in _spirit._ "

"And I'm supposed to find Voldemort's hideout, Voldemort's _unknown_ hideout. Get passed the wards. Fight through countless death eaters. Avoid certain death, somehow win or avoid a duel with Voldemort and subsequently stab him in the heart…With a weapon we have no proof will have any effect whatsoever?"

"I'm glad to see you were able to keep up, my boy." Dumbledore beamed at Harry.

Harry began to rise from his chair, "Yeah, I think I'm going to pass Headmaster."

Dumbledore shook his head, grin still plastered on his face, "Nonsense, my boy."

And with that Harry Potter was Apparated to the middle of a death eater's raid, unicorn horn in hand.


	2. Chapter 2

Harry sat across from his headmaster, scowling at the aforementioned man. His clothing was torn and burnt and his hair was singed. He was holding his side with one hand, where a nasty burn currently resided. In his other hand he held a bloody dagger made from a unicorn's horn. Dumbledore had made him recount the events of the death eater's raid five times so far, refusing to believe his plan had failed.

"Harry my boy, I don't know what could have gone wrong. I was sure that the unicorn dagger would do the trick," Dumbledore apologized looking deeply disturbed. "How could Voldemort have overcome the power of love?"

"I believe the unicorn's horn had the property of purity, Headmaster, not _love_ ," Snape uttered before thinking about the repercussions of his comment. He steadfastly ignored the look of betrayal Harry sent his way for encouraging Dumbledore.

"Of course! It's so obvious. How silly, a _unicorn's horn_ ," Dumbledore looked grandfatherly down at Harry, "My boy, of course that wouldn't work." Dumbledore stood and ruffled Harry's singed hair before he turned his back to Harry and Snape to rifle through one of his shelves, thus missing Snape pulling Harry back from launching himself at Dumbledore. Dumbledore turned back around with another package in his hands to find both Harry and Snape seated once more. Perhaps Snape had a hand clenched tightly on Harry's shirt, keeping the boy in his seat, but if he did it escaped the headmaster's notice.

"Harry, Severus, I have figured out how to get rid of the dark lord once and for all," Dumbledore paused for dramatic effect and _naturally_ to give Severus and Harry a moment to fully appreciate his _groundbreaking_ discovery.

Snape took the moment to repress the urge to drag his hand across his face. It was best not to show any weaknesses in front of the headmaster.

Harry took the moment to reign in his temper. When he was satisfactorily in control of his emotions, he offered a fake smile up at the headmaster while simultaneously trying to detach Snape's hold on his shirt, "Well I wish you all the best with whatever it is. I'm sorry that I have to leave and miss the chance to hear it, but I have an appointment with Madame Pomfrey. Third degree burns and all." Finally managing to free his shirt from the teacher's grasp, Harry stood quickly and began to make his way to the door.

Severus Snape, being a double agent in the war as well as a Slytherin, was a survivalist. His instincts were next to none and he knew an escape when he saw one. He stood swiftly and bowed his head slightly to the headmaster assuring the older man that he would try to reason with the stubborn boy, while following Harry quickly out of Dumbledore's office and down the gargoyle guarded stairs.

Harry turned to head towards his commons room ready to collapse on his bed after dealing with Dumbledore. He missed the critical assessment sent his way by the man beside him. Harry had gone a grand total of two steps before he was stopped by a hand on his shoulder.

"Mister Potter, the infirmary is in the other direction," Snape told him curtly. Harry found himself being turn around and half led, half shoved towards the infirmary, "If you think I'm going to allow you to skip our next meeting with the headmaster simply because you wished to behave like an idiot and ignored an injury like that and died in your sleep, you will find yourself deeply mistaken. I refuse to be forced to endure that man alone."

Harry was slightly annoyed by the hand on his shoulder pushing him along at a slightly uncomfortable pace. After a particularly jarring step he couldn't hold back a wince, the pressure from the hand lessened almost instantly and they continued at a more sedate pace.


End file.
